Thoughts from Pastor Stan

Sermon Notes

Boundaries

October 11, 2009

BULLETIN COVER

QUESTION: Have you ever felt like the person on the bulletin cover?

What do you see?

How can this happen?

COMPROMISE: (many definitions) “sell out” “abandon”

Have you ever compromised your self?

With inappropriate boundaries our actions are not in harmony

with our identity and as a result we get tangled up

Identity issue: who are you?

PASSING OF THE PEACE

Scripture: Romans 7:14 - 21

Question: Do you know anyone who says one thing and does the other?

PURPOSE OF LIFE - RELATIONSHIP

GREATEST COMMANDMENT: Love God

SECOND GREATEST COMMANDMENT: Love Others

In other words, getting CONNECTED with GOD, OTHERS and SELF

VISION: Let us grow in our relationship with God, others and self

TEMPTATION: How much do you bond with the other?

Is there a danger to give too much of oneself and have nothing left over?

Intro

Continuing our sermon series on: Changes That Heal.

The focus: Boundaries.,

INTRODUCTION TO MATTHEW

Matthew, the author of Matthew, focuses more on the theological concept that is found in (7:21)

Not everyone who says “Lord, Lord” will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of the father in heaven.

MATTHEW: Sermon on the Mount (is about action) and Sheep from Goats based

on those who served the needs of the weak (action).

ISSUE: It’s not only what we say that defines us, but it is also our actions

INTRODUCTION TO SCRIPTURE

Jesus is continuing the conversation with the clergy and their attempt to trap him by asking him “by what authority do you do what you do (21:23). This is the first of three parables that respond to the criticism and challenge (by what authority?) (21:23-27) of the clergy of Jesus’ day. This parable was spoken directly to the clergy who were questioning/criticizing (authority as into relationship to God) Jesus:

The clergy heard the message of John the Baptist, but did not repent (21:23-27)

SCRIPTURE: MATTHEW 21:28 - 31

A man had two sons; he went to the first and said, 'Son, go and work in the vineyard today.' He answered; I will not'; but later he changed his mind and went.

NOTE: The son refused to enter the vineyard (Israel) and then decided.

He said “no” his actions said “yes”

The father went to the second and said the same; and he answered, 'I go, sir'; but he did not go.

NOTE: He said “yes” his actions said “no”

Which of the two did the will of his father?

Jesus directs this question to the clergy

QUESTION: Which action declares obedience (relationship) to God

NOTE: both sons responded immediately to the Father’s request

both changed their mind from their immediate response

They said, "The first."

POINT: Only one acted

What matter most is what they ended up doing

We are DEFINED by our ACTIONS

Jesus said to them, 'Truly I tell you, the tax collectors and the prostitutes are going into the kingdom of God ahead of you."

OBSERVATION: Where did that come from?

CONTEXT: This parable is about the relationship of Clergy with God

QUESTION: Why?

Because what matters most is what they end up doing

OBSERVATION: This is an insult to the clergy

NOTE

Pretend obedience versus Delayed Obedience

QUESTION: Which do you prefer in your child? Friend? Spouse?

NOTE:

The repentant son does the will of the father, and the unrepentant son does not do the will of the father and remains fruitless/unproductive (i.e. all talk and no action).

The culture demanded that children obey and honor the father (Fiddler on the Roof), especially when they still live at home.

QUESTION: Does each son know who they truly are?

IMPLICATION: The more we know who we are the more our decisions

are in harmony with who we are (ie. how did i ever get myself into this mess?

QUESTION: Does each son know who they truly are?

IMPLICATION: The more we know who we are, the more our decisons are in harmony with who we are

EXAMPLE: How did i get myself into this mess?

IMPLICATION: The clergy are called to obey their parent (Heavenly Father) especially when they still live at home (the creation belongs to God). This parable is a terrible insult of the clergy of the day.

CHALLENGE

In Jesus’ day, the clergy where the ones that were the unrepentant son, all talk and no action; whereas the people who were repentant (prostitutes and sinners included) where the ones that were in the will of the father

QUESTION: Which one are we?

INTERESTING TO NOTE

this is one of the criticism of non church people with church people (too many within the church have the outward appearance of christ but not the inward...

“I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ. Mahatma Gandhi

OBSERVATION: There actions are not in harmony with the one who they proclaim to follow.

QUESTION: Can this same observation be true today? (“Unchristian”)

POINT

This parable is about how some folks who say they are going to follow after God, and about some other folks who say they won’t (prostitutes) by their ACTION (life styles), but in the end, they do follow after God

NOTE

I have no idea why one son said, "no", and did go; and the other son said, "yes" and did not go.

OBSERVATION

This does not just happen in the relationship with God; but also in the relationship with others. In life; there are those who do say yes and do not go and others who say 'no' and do go. Sometimes, there are people who say "no" and do go; change their mind out of guilt; whereas others who say "yes" change their mind because they are over committed.

Do you know anyone like this?

QUESTION

Why does this happen?

This Sunday we will look at BOUNDARIES.

Boundaries begin with identity issues. Who am in this relationship?

ACTON: The question is to act or not to act (Ecclesiastes) Boundaries determine

LAST THREE WEEKS

We look at BONDING and how we are called to "bond" in our relationships.

QUESTION: How do we bond with others and still remain an individual?

Being real to who we are (individual authenticity)

IMPLICATION: For if we don’t we will find that the relationship is too confining and not working (like the relationship with the first son in the parable)

THIS WEEK (and next)

Boundaries is where to draw the line in the "bonding" experience. Without good boundaries, we may fall in to the problem where people control us and our time and then we become over extended and risk burn out and losing our way on the journey of life.

SCRIPTURE TO PONDER

"...choose this day whom you will serve..." Joshua 24:15b

BOUNDARIES

Working Definition: are a line that marks a limit (border). It is the realization of our own person apart from others. It is the line that says what we are and what we are not. It helps to establish our identity. what we will choose and not choose.

QUESTION: When there are no boundaries, what happens?

WHEN WE FAIL TO ESTABLISH GOOD BOUNDARIES

We will be tempted to say “YES” to even though it is not time (Ecclesiastes)

TO ACT OR NOT TO ACT

Over Committed / Extended

Burnout

People run over you

lack of time

Can’t be the real you

Lack of Identity (this is me and this is not me)

Others control the person (puppet) (feelings: we are responsible for our own

feelings, taking responsibility for one’s own anger, etc.)

NOW BACK TO THE PARABLE

The first son (clergy) are to be people who say ‘yes” to God;

The second son (prostitutes) are people not following after God, but then

“wake-up” and begin to follow.

Implication: there was a change of heart

Why? TRUE IDENTITY is relationship with God

If we are created for relationship with God, when we have a change of heart

(direction) it is repentance and there is a waking up of returning home to God

(Prodigal Son: Coming home)

With the clergy (1st son), they answered to who they thought they were (identity) but they were wrong about their identity (they do not have a relationship with god through their actions, indicated by no action

their identity (lacked proper boundaries)

THE THEOLOGICAL ANSWER

THE RELATIONAL ANSWER - Acting to who we are (identity0

IN OUR LIVES (US)

ISSUE: Have you ever experienced a “change of heart”?

why does that happen?

BOUNDARIES/IDENTITY

IN OUR RELATIONSHIPS

SPOUSE: Has a “job” description of who we are in the relationship

US: We have a “job” description of who we are in the relationship

(and vice-a-versa)

PROBLEM: If the “job’ descriptions don’t match up (Family Camp)

NEXT WEEK: SETTING BOUNDARIES

CHALLENGE FOR THIS WEEK: Know Thyself

QUESTION: Who are you?

Authentic Identity begins with knowing who the self is.

BENEDICTION:

We are defined by our actions, Jesus said “they’ll know we are christians by our love”